A better way of thinking about introversion

I have this friend. She's an extrovert.

No, I know. It's okay. Really.

So this extrovert friend, we'll call her Pippa (because hey, why the hell not?), she's in a relationship with an introvert. Only she didn't know he was an introvert until she met me, and we became friends, and we started talking about this stuff.

And we started talking about this stuff because she would be like, "Let's get drinks after work on a Tuesday!" and I would be like, "Oh my god, no, I'm way behind on my solitude and relaxation. I couldn't possibly."

There's nothing wrong with me, or her, just like there's nothing wrong with the daytime even though there are no stars out. But she'd been feeling slighted because her boyfriend needed a good amount of time alone, and from an extrovert's perspective, it felt insulting.

I think every introvert has had some kind of relationship with a hardcore extrovert - a romantic relationship, a friendship, a family relationship. It can be tough to tell someone, "No, I don't want to hang out with your buddies at the bar tonight, again, and shout to have my opinion heard just so your bullheaded neighbor can spin his wheels to prove what an idiot he is." Especially when the prevailing convention is that everyone should love to go out to a bar and be steamrolled by six-foot-four PhD candidates who know nothing about the women's rights movement. Or whatever.

Lately, Pippa and I were talking and she said something that stuck with me. She said, "I don't mind being alone, I just want it to be by choice. I don't want to be alone because I have nothing better to do."

via pleated jeans

I think that's exactly true for introverts, too. It's not that we hate being around people - we just want it to be because we chose to be around people. Not because we couldn't get away.

It's a less polarizing view of personality types, as well - it's not that extroverts can't be alone and introverts freeze up around people. That's too simplistic. You might not even be able to tell an introvert from an extrovert at first blush; it's not like separating people by eye color. It's deeper than that.

You see it in our preferences. How we'd spend our time if there were no outside factors compelling us to act a certain way. No obligations, no guilt, no forces outside our control.

The perfect Saturday for me? A long day of being by myself capped with doing something social with a few friends that night.

Best of both worlds.