No explanation necessary.

Introverts commonly have little patience for small talk. Which is why I found this little blurb so amusing, from an article called, "How to Piss Off a Dane."

Tactic #1: Ask “How are you?”
I learned this one within days of moving to Denmark, and was fortunate enough to be clued in by a teacher the first time I made the mistake. 

The American phrase “how are you?” is a source of amusement for the Danes — it’s a big, fat joke that Americans ask this question in passing with no intention of stopping and listening to the response. If you want to make a friend, ask this question when you have 5-10 minutes to spare. Ask it merely in greeting/passing and that Dane will probably think you’re the most insincere person on the planet.

How many times do you pass someone in the hallway at work with a cursory, "Hey, how's it going?" or get a walk-by "Heyhowareya" from a colleague who doesn't even bother to stop long enough to hear you mumble the obligatory "Fine, howboutchu?"

Can we just admit that none of us care how anyone else is doing? And that the worse you feel yourself, the less you want to hear about someone else's weekend, or how nice the weather is for the fifteenth time that day, or really anything unimportant. There should be some sort of signal so people know when you're in one of those "need to know information only, please" moods.

In the meantime, I suggest we high-tail it to Denmark where minding your own business is an art form.

Musical Introvert: Bruce Springsteen

Poets, man.

I'm not sure I can even do justice to my feelings for Bruce Springsteen. At least, not sensibly. Get me going and I know I'd turn into a rambling junkie, starting every sentence with "And Bruce says..." as rampantly as any girl Charles Manson brainwashed into the Manson Family. I know I'm not the only one who has these feelings. I mean, come on...

Just what were we SUPPOSED to feel upon seeing this cover for the first time? 

Springsteen, you sly dog. 

And what were we supposed to feel upon hearing the lyrics to "I'm On Fire" for the first time? 

Sometimes it's like someone took a knife, baby, edgy and dull,
And cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my skull.
At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
and a freight train running through the middle of my head.
Only you can cool my desire.
Oh, I'm on fire.


God help me, this song makes a phoenix out of every woman I know, leaving charred human-shaped smudges wherever we may have happened to have been during the opening bars.

So, okay, Springsteen is hot. But can a man who regularly gets up in front of crowds of ten of thousands of people really be called an introvert? Hell yes.

Back in his high school days, the nuns at his Catholic school have referred to Springsteen as a loner, only interested in the company of his guitar. He skipped his own high school graduation because he felt too uncomfortable to go. (We know one of our own when we see him.)

And many of his songs revolve around the theme of finding love and feeling acknowledged through a bond with one other person - creating a cocoon of safety from which to take on the world and tear it apart. I think introverts often feel alone, because so much of the world revolves making such inane small talk, it can be hard to feel like you've really connected with someone - like you've shared what really goes on inside you. But Bruce does the heavy lifting, dredging up all his innermost thoughts and fears and hopes and desires and laying them naked across the chords of his guitar. Anyone who's really listened to any of his lyrics could hardly deny his introspection.




To the lyrics! 

1) "Growing Up," from the album Greetings from Asbury Park, NJ
I took month-long vacations in the stratosphere
And you know it's really hard to hold your breath
I swear I lost everything I ever loved or feared,
I was the cosmic kid in full costume dress
Well, my feet they finally took root in the earth
But I got me a nice little place in the stars


2) "Badlands," from the album Darkness on the Edge of Town
For the ones who had a notion, a notion deep inside
That it ain't no sin to be glad you're alive
I wanna find one face that ain't looking through me 

3) "Thunder Road," from the album Born to Run
You can hide 'neath the covers and study your pain
Make crosses from your lovers, throw roses in the rain
Waste your summer praying in vain 
For a savior to rise from these streets


4) "Two Hearts," from the album The River
Sometimes it might seem like it was planned
For you to roam empty-hearted through this land
Though the world turns you hard and cold
There's one thing, mister, that I know
That's if you think your heart is stone
And that you're rough enough to whip this world alone
Alone buddy there ain't no peace of mind
That's why I'll keep searching till I find my special one

5) "Cover Me," from the album Born in the U.S.A.
Well I'm looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me
Promise me baby you won't let them find us

I don't care how Jung would categorize you. One thing is absolutely clear: When Mr. Bruce Springsteen tells you he wants to be your friend and guard your dreams and visions, the only thing you can do is wrap your legs round those velvet rims and strap your hands across his engines.

The second point is my favorite.

Introverts are great at laughing at themselves. But we're even better at laughing at other people. We see jokes others don't even notice...

Introversion 101

Introversion gets a bad reputation, veiled in part by misinformation, and judged by extroverts with all the vehemence of Star-Bellied Sneeches, sure that their way is the right way, sure that introverts are snobs, dimwits, or potentially mentally ill.

Thanks for that, guys.

The most often-cited statistic about introversion is that introverts make up 25% to a third of the general population. But this was an estimated number, all the way back in the 1960s, when someone asked Isabel Myers (of the Myers-Briggs personality test) what percentage of the population introverts comprised. It was a guess.

In 1998, the Myers-Briggs organization released data compiled from their official tests - and introverts make up 50.7 percent of the general population, with extroverts rounding out the other 49.3 percent.

How is it that introverts can represent half of the general population and still be so poorly misunderstood and misrepresented?

In the same way that society can tell us that blonde women are more attractive than brunettes and redheads, prompting women to book appointments with hair stylists, society has fed us the line that extroverts are more attractive than introverts. And so many people hide their introversion, or never fully understand it to begin with.

What qualities to introverts possess? Well, you might be an introvert if...

• You get energy from being on your own, or doing your own thing when solitude isn't an option. 
• You don't care for small talk - you prefer to talk about big ideas.
• You don't mind socializing, necessarily, but prefer one-on-one interactions or small groups over crowds. 
• You think before you act or speak (even if it means you sometimes miss your chance).
• You have a rich inner life, filled with daydreams, ideas, theories, and thoughts you're still working out. 
• When you're left on your own, you rarely get bored. 
• You get overwhelmed in crowds, around loud noises, or in areas of frenetic activity (cough - Ikea - cough)
• You enjoy analyzing everything.

In contrast, extroverts are the kind of people who thrive being around other people. They're the people who will chat your ear off, if you let them, because they work out ideas by talking, rather than waiting until they have fully formed ideas to speak, like introverts tend to do. 

Just like how introverts may feel drained after a day being surrounded by people, extroverts may feel drained by too much solitude. They start to get bored, and crave interaction as a means of recharging. 

There's nothing wrong with being an introvert or an extrovert - the problem lies in the expectation that everyone should fit the same model. American society focuses on extroversion as the ideal. (Evidenced by our love of professional football and cramming as many sports fans into one arena as possible.) 

People hold a lot of stereotypes about introverts:

• Because introverts tend to listen more than they speak, people may assume their silence is a sign of aloofness or a superiority complex. Or depression. 
• Because introverts prefer to have their ideas polished before they share them, people may assume they have nothing to add to a discussion. 
• Because introverts may not willingly offer up personal information without being asked, people may assume they aren't open to new friends. 
• Because introverts find solitude energizing, people may assume they hate being around people. 
• Because extroverts can't imagine spending long stretches of time alone, introverts must be unhinged. (The Unibomber did us no favors on this front.)

These assumptions are more than a little unfair. They're particularly inflammatory to introverts because we know we're being judged by extroverts and an extroverted society, and our livelihoods depend on it. The entire model of society is built on the expectation of extroversion - from schools that rely heavily on vocal participation and teamwork, to office jobs that lean toward open-air cubicles and require self-promotion to get ahead - all things that play against an introvert's strengths. Some jobs flat out state that introverts are not welcome - again proving that people have no real idea what an introvert is or how they function. 

Let's set the record straight. When more than half of the population identifies as something, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. 

Just like there's nothing wrong with letting your roots grow out. If there's one thing I know for certain, blondes and extroverts do not have more fun than the rest of us. 

Words to live by.

Blogger and artist Moorea Seal created this graphic and writes beautifully about her own introversion:

But why is it bad when my life feels complete and so very peaceful and full when I have a lot of time alone? I am happy in my quiet. I feel fulfilled when I have a good amount of time alone, away from others. I do love adventure and change and new experiences so very much. But I don't need it all the time. I can find adventure and new fulfilling experiences within the contemplative world of my imagination just as much as the active physical world around me.

The Joy of Quiet

An article called "The Joy of Quiet" over at the New York Times caught my eye. Pico Iyer talks about the need for quiet or mental space in a world that's filled with distractions.

The urgency of slowing down — to find the time and space to think — is nothing new, of course, and wiser souls have always reminded us that the more attention we pay to the moment, the less time and energy we have to place it in some larger context. “Distraction is the only thing that consoles us for our miseries,” the French philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote in the 17th century, “and yet it is itself the greatest of our miseries.” He also famously remarked that all of man’s problems come from his inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

When telegraphs and trains brought in the idea that convenience was more important than content — and speedier means could make up for unimproved ends — Henry David Thoreau reminded us that “the man whose horse trots a mile in a minute does not carry the most important messages.”

It goes on to talk about the popularity of yoga, unplugging from technology, and creating distance from the noise, and also cites the idea that people who live in less busy rural settings may "exhibit greater attentiveness, stronger memory and generally improved cognition."

The article is a great read, and I get the feeling that the people at the New York Times have an inherent understanding of the importance of inward-focus. It makes me wonder - just what percentage of New York Times readers do you think identify as introverts?

Introverted Traveler: The Tree Hotel in Harads, Sweden

Okay, I think we need to talk about Sweden. They clearly have a very different relationship with introversion than the rah-rah, party-driven American norm.

Just look at this hotel room at the Treehotel in Harads, Sweden. Utter perfection. Think of all the reading you could do in that room! The staring into the distance! Watching birds, squirrels, maybe even an owl! Think of all the thinking you could accomplish in a room like that!

This hotel room is proof that the Swedes get it - that introverts aren't villains, solitude is not a crime, and sometimes the best part of staying at a hotel is not having to talk to anyone while you're there.

The Mirrorcube room is exactly the kind of Scandinavian design that draws people to Ikea in droves: clever, minimalist, and a little bit baffling. To keep birds from flying into the glass, it's coated with infrared film, undetectable to human eyes. (Although I suspect Lisbeth Salander could probably see it.)

The Bird's Nest room looks like a bird watcher's wet dream. You can lay in bed and look out the windows, which actually sounds like something I might choose to do for the rest of my life if only I didn't have obligations. The room sleeps up to four people, and while the other beds are bunk beds, they too have their own little portholes.

Conspicuously lacking in these rooms are electronics - TVs, radios, clocks. Can you hear that? That's the sound of your soul unclenching in relaxation.

"Introverts Need Not Apply."

On a lark, I put "introvert" into a job engine to see what would come up. Here's what I found:

• If you are an introvert and seek a solitary, cubicle-based technology job - please don't apply.
• Wallflowers/introverts need not apply!
• The right personality/temperament is very important; an introvert will not work.
• No introverts.
• The executive is an introvert who is extremely nice, but...(I particularly enjoy the need to counter the boss's introversion with an assurance that he's very nice. Really.)

In contrast, putting "extrovert" into the same job engine pulls up phrases like:

• We're looking for a dynamic, extroverted, enthusiastic sales representative.
• Desire personality traits: A people person (extrovert)
• Extrovert (Ability to seek someone out and ask for something)
• Extroverts only please.
• The ideal candidate will have 3+ years of general accounting functions and an extroverted personality.

I've highlighted that last one in particular because accounting is one of the areas recommended to introverts as an introvert-friendly career path!

The whole world is mad for extroverts. People love people who love people, it seems. But there's also a serious misunderstanding happening here: the idea that introverts don't like people, can't ask for what they need, won't be friendly, or won't work well in teams.

What a smear campaign!

When jobs require that even accountants be extroverts (or ELSE), is there any room for people who do their best work in the company of their own thoughts? In a world that seems to focus more and more on teamwork, and in buildings where offices are being shucked in favor of cubicles, is the working world safe for introverts?